Burn’s Supper 2004

Cheers to our Thirteen Laddies here today

Charming and talented each in their own way

Husbands and Fathers some Grandpas too

Such Superior men we’ve assembled for you

Here’s my chance to toot each ones horn

I’ll be quick before my welcome is worn

Thirteen special attributes you’ll be given

See if you can guess which lad did the livin’

Western Adventure novels are his salvation

Even to escape his European barge Vacation

He has been described as handsome and flirtatious

Despite such labels he remains always gracious

As Captain Hook he caught our attention

His smoked Salmon takes an honorable mention

It is common knowledge he is a heck of a catch

But when handling his fish there is no match

Matters of the heart is the specialty of this lad

His passion for blood from his Ancestor Vlad

It is true Transylvania bled under their ruling

During Surgery, how does he keep from drooling?

Dressed as the Village People’s Indian Chief

The buck skin loin cloth was beyond belief

Charity goes along way in our community

For him, from the gay jokes, I give immunity

 He walked into the party like he was walking onto a yacht

Carly Simon had him in mind not some Hollywood hot shot

He would likely have time to Cook and Sail

If he didn’t fight towards perfection tooth and nail

He loves single malt scotch and sailing too

Super glue and duct tape are his crew

To relax he smokes a cigar for awhile

He peddles his nuts with Englishman style

This low talker whispers for one reason

Ladies leaning in close he finds pleasin’

Wearing his kilt would be a factor

We’d choose him for our chiropractor

His hobbies read like a novel of romance

Walks on the beach when he gets the chance

At Baruch College he received his degree

A Brooklyn boy known for punctuality

Like Bill Clinton he can wail his Sax

Reading old books he gets his facts

Managing a bank he counts his slips

Good thing there’s no internships!

Growing his herbs with a green thumb

This Italian Stallion is not at all dumb

He makes his living in radiology

But fishing somewhere he’d rather be

He and Atlas have this in common

The balance of the earth rests upon ‘em

Even his baby blues can’t disguise

This lad’s sharp tongue is no surprise

With a name like his there is no doubt

He can bend our problems out

As a chiropractor he has magical hands

Around the house they’re Tim the Tool mans’

Baseball and soccer this lad coaches

Forgets his appointment as it approaches

Relaxes to music and drinks his beer

Salsa and Maranga he likes to hear

Now that the attributes have been detailed

It’s time for the laddies to get nailed

Just a few traits we may have left out

Some you hoped we had forgotten about

We may love you all just as you are

But, with these items you go to far

Please keep the following things in mind

To stop doing them would be so kind

Stop leaving the pickles without the juice

Keeping them crisp is its’ intended use

Working hard is quite a noble trait

So is spending time with those who rate

Choose just one channel if you please

Or the remote from you I will seize

Please just blow it when your nose is full

Hearing you sniff it back is too cruel

Before asking where it is, if you don’t mind

Try Looking for the item you cannot find

Did you hear what I said, did you hear it clear?

You will ask me again is my biggest fear

I will check it once if you ask me to

Checking it again will be up to you

When you return from running all sweaty

A towel down before you sit is not at all petty

When you speak to me please do your best

To look in my eyes and not at my chest

When I’m enjoying a glass of wine

Please get your own don’t drink mine

If you have dreams of being Ringo Starr

Please don’t practice while in the car

When I make a mistake so very small

Don’t make me feel two inches tall

All those projects you have garaged

Somehow was their completion sabotaged?

Did you just talk to me in a harsh fashion?

Then speak to the pet with utmost compassion

If barefoot is how you choose to be

Then keep your dirty feet from me

When you Bam! Like Emeril in the Kitchen

Why not clean it up to keep us from bitchin

Boys with such a passion for sports

Try to hit the hamper with your shorts

When your number one is complete

Please be so kind to put down the seat

Lassies, you know what I’ve said is true

I’ve done nothing but look out for you

I hope the lassies respond with a big ha, ha, ha

Laddies, I know all you heard was blah, blah, blah

Thank you for letting me share this rhyme

I hope you continue to have a good time

We still love you all, so put away your fears

Thanks once again, and to the Laddies

CHEERS!

Narrated by Denise D. Henry

Written by  Anna M. Strate